you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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