Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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