i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
