eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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