dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
