I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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