she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
