Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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