when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
