just tell him i said nine months
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
