we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
