I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
