this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
