i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
