Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize