??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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