When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
