I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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