PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
