He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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