Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
