The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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