didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
