i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
