I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
