I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
