Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
