My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
