But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
