____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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