my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
