I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
