Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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