I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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