Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
