I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
