it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
