I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
