Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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