Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
