Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
