Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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