You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
