ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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