Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
