I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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