atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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