her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
