I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
