You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize