Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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