Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
