hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
