True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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