I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
