white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
