you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
