id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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