Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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